This Afternoon I Learned Something Valuable

As November creeps closer and NaNoWriMo starts to enter my mind, I shift my focus to analyze my writing process as a whole. And I realized my mentality toward it as a whole is crappy. 

Last Monday, I wrote in my planner: consider NaNoWriMo. It was a note to myself to decide if I would participate this year, since of course, I had already considered it before. And for some reason, it took me a long time to reach my conclusion. But upon writing in my handy writing journal this afternoon, I discovered I would never get anything done if I always let my fear of not passing or succeeding get in the way. Which it has been, for years. 

Why am I not out writing, busting my tail and trying my hardest? Two reasons. I'm lazy, that's one. But two, I focus so much on the upkeep of having a perfect track record that I never stop to think about the limits this places on me. 

So of course I will try NaNoWriMo this year. If I only get to plotting a little or even just write 50 words, it would be 50 words more than I would have written otherwise. 

Why did it take me so long to get this through my head? Ah, the clouded mind of a perfectionist.