Jump. Then control the jump.

I wish my enthusiasm for life translated into my writing.

Though I fall into deep bouts of social media, and suffer awful creativity slumps, I'm one of the most gung-ho people I know. I make myself to-do lists (without which nothing would get done) and strive constantly to raise the bar of my success higher as I get closer. If I'm not busy in life, I'm not doing things worthwhile--because without the extra drive to push myself to keep doing, I'd be doing very little. I take 'all or nothing' to a new level: I'm either involved in 62 things at once, or I'm sitting on the couch watching Sherlock for the 8th time. 

Perhaps the reason this cycle is so…cyclical is because both extremes are deeply satisfying. They are my introvertedness and extrovertedness acting in layers, pushing and pulling as my brain recharges from its own fervor of activity. My inner self is its own best friend and worst enemy. I have such a strong love for relaxing and creating that it's easy to lose my goals and inspirations. 

And that's why I'm finding it hard--really hard--to take myself serious about this writing thing. In my writing journal today (which I still use, if anyone is keeping tabs) I wrote: either INSPIRE YOURSELF or WRITE ANYWAY. And writing anyway, well that is just another form of jumping. It's difficult writing when you have no idea what you want to write about. Or creating when you have no idea what you want to create. This is applicable to many things in my life. I think one of my major yearly goals is to jump more often. UTILIZE YOUR SENSE OF GUNG-HO. Take advantage of your interests and limit your Pinterest time so you can maximize your creating time. Stop freaking waiting all the time. You're not getting any younger, and you're certainly not getting anything done. 

This Afternoon I Learned Something Valuable

As November creeps closer and NaNoWriMo starts to enter my mind, I shift my focus to analyze my writing process as a whole. And I realized my mentality toward it as a whole is crappy. 

Last Monday, I wrote in my planner: consider NaNoWriMo. It was a note to myself to decide if I would participate this year, since of course, I had already considered it before. And for some reason, it took me a long time to reach my conclusion. But upon writing in my handy writing journal this afternoon, I discovered I would never get anything done if I always let my fear of not passing or succeeding get in the way. Which it has been, for years. 

Why am I not out writing, busting my tail and trying my hardest? Two reasons. I'm lazy, that's one. But two, I focus so much on the upkeep of having a perfect track record that I never stop to think about the limits this places on me. 

So of course I will try NaNoWriMo this year. If I only get to plotting a little or even just write 50 words, it would be 50 words more than I would have written otherwise. 

Why did it take me so long to get this through my head? Ah, the clouded mind of a perfectionist. 

Camps for Band and Writing

NaNoWriMo update, as promised. I won, and it was a terrible win. Or maybe epic. 

I won in the last half hour, which is pretty on edge for me. But I was out ALL MONTH having fun and serving the community and spending time reading and being around friends and family. 

Not focusing on writing. 

I never adjusted my word goal. I guess things worked out okay in the end. I'm not sure how to handle August. I'll be busy, but I'd love to have a draft of my project by September 30. Far fetched? Maybe. Can I do it? If I work hard. 

Camp number two--marching band camp. I'm pumped. I don't have enough energy to type how pumped I am. I've been cooked like a lobster from pre-band practices. 

Which is alright. I'll tan/peel if off. Until next time (when I'm probably even more tired than now--which is exhausted). 

I'm ready, let's go, RMB. 

NaNoWriMo Struggles

I shouldn't be complaining that my summer has been fun and busy, but I for real need to buckle down and write about 5000 words now.

Last week I was at a service camp through my church. It was an incredible experience, and I got to serve the elderly and disabled in my community by singing in different nursing/retirement homes. But I'm glad to be in my own bed again.

I went a solid two weeks without working on my story, which I'm ashamed to admit. My July goal of writing every day lasted about ten days, and I'm back to scrambling to get words in (like always).

How did I ever like participating in NaNoWriMo? But I guess at the end of it all, this isn't about NaNoWriMo, but rather about me having discipline and getting down to writing. If I want to have my first draft done by September 30, I will need to pick up the pace. In the past few weeks, I'm completely lost focus and sight of my writing goals. By blogging and documenting, I hope to change that.

Goal: I'll check in with a successful writing update before the end of the month. Either I'll have won NaNoWriMo or not.

Carrot: I can feel good about myself and go to band camp stress free!

Stick: There will be an even bigger writing goal for August.

Truth: There will probably be an even bigger writing goal for August anyway because this story won't write itself.

Apologies for rambling. It's tired, I'm late.

Writing Journals

I have started a writing journal.

I owe it to Susan Dennard, writing and blogging extraordinaire, and her posts here and here. To Ms. Dennard, I am eternally grateful.

I have no idea if it'll last, but for the past two weeks, I've been pushing myself everyday to work on my novel. (This novel, Untitled, is something I wrote during NaNoWriMo of April 2014. It was not very good, so now I'm trying to make it better.) Usually before bed every night, I plan something, create a few more characters and map them out, or write a scene. Then, I catalog what I did to move forward, how I felt about it, and what I need to accomplish next.

This surprisingly easy way of listing out what I do and what I need to do has been extremely successful.

Not only has writing in a journal kept me on task, but it's also psychologically pushed me to write or work on my story even when I don't want to. I look forward to getting the chance to brag about my success or complain about my lack of motivation. I find it attaches me to my work more and more as well as loosens my creativity.

Last night, I wrote something I was really proud of. To anyone increasing their productivity, I highly recommended this method of documenting your process.

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